OMG! Do not open that door! For the love of God and for the glory of our country, do not even think about it. There’s some kind of really mean plant life-form  in there that is guaranteed to attack you if you as much as crack the door. You’ll be forced to retreat at full speed and run into this tiny, no exit room where there is a good chance you’ll be devoured. Don’t do it.

So, here you are again in the perilous situation you are no doubt familiar with by now… Fire. At the top of the stairs. What to do? Casually walk down the stairs pretending like nothing’s wrong, of course. Just like before. Preferably slowly.

Quoted from From: Flickr / Originally uploaded by therese flanagan

Tragedy will ensue if you try to make a flammable vapor sausage. Even while trying to raise the roof, you will be engulfed in flames and will suffer. It may not seem like it when you are dancing, but it will. Your sausage making hobby will do you in if you are not careful.

The best place to be in case of fire is your protective stairmaster bubble. There is no chance the fire will get to you and also you will get a chance to exercise.

There is something to be said about being calm when you take the stairs in case of fire. Nothing says “calm” like a firmly planted foot on the ground. Nothing fazes me. Not even the fact that two more steps and I’m falling off the edge of the stairs. I don’t care. I am calm.

When taking off from the scene, any self respecting arsonist books in style. No pansy walking. You go! You don’t wait. So what if you break a knee… It’s speed that counts. Speed and form. You must bend the elbows just right or else you will be penalized.