Rather, don’t pet the gears. Bad things will happen to your hand. Mangling will occur.
The Public Tool
A celebration of the invisible all around us
Feel this luxurious rug! Made of wool, it will make any floor a great sleeping surface! This rug is either knotted or tufted by hand. Buy today.
Pet the rug
Old favorite, this one. Press button and then, the ultimate reward. Bacon.
There are some other, meaner interpretations. Like: Press button, get Starbucks dumped on your hands, but I believe the bacon is where it’s at.
Press Button, Get Bacon
You really should not tangle with the rectangle. Especially as a stick figure. You lack the mass to get into it with the black rectangle. Work out a bit, put some flesh on your bones and then, perhaps, take a crack at it.
Rectangle tangle
I really think that’s it. Relax. Upstairs. Just look for the chaise lounge and go ahead. Stretch out and relax. Upstairs.
Relax. Upstairs.
Signage in Vancouver alerting you to the common problem afflicting rollerbladers. Blader foot. Very similar to the WW1 trench foot or foot rot, which led to the inevitable amputation. Just so you know.
Blader foot
You have tried for days. You failed and now you are angry. This. however, is no excuse to just toss that Rubik’s cube just anywhere. Use the proper disposal methods you would use for any junky plastic toy from the 80s. Recycle if possible.
Rubik cube disposal
This is the gigantic “Stack of No” by the playground by my house. Impressive in the amount of rejection it offers. From the top: no seeds, no inflatable dogs, no junk-food vending, no fine dining (presumably in evening gowns), no synchronized / artistic skateboarding, no pedal-less defective bike sitting-on, no smoking, and finally, no fiery UFO parking under the weird gigantic spider that threatens the factory!
¡Por Favor!
Stack of No!
When speaking to a crowd of people in a public market, asking them to exceed the 5 year plan quota for the glory of the workers and the party, do not threaten them by showing them a whip, This will cause your palace to be stormed and you and your wife to be put to death after a hasty improvised trial. (See: Romania / Ceausescu / 1989)
Or, alternately: Do not even think about committing suicide here!
Either one works.
The Tools of Oppression
Spotted at Schipol airport. I am really confused. Does this sign advise that you bring your wallet in a pair of shellacked, upright standing pants and then watch it along with your luggage? Or is it telling you that there are other people that would intently watch this, only if you would go through the trouble of setting this up. A performance piece, perhaps?
Watch your belongings!
Finally, the world over is waking to the evils of Axe spray. This is a warning against it’s use and it’s awful side-effects (supermodel hordes stampeding geeky bike messenger guys). Please, consider carefully the environment and the damage you can cause before casual Axe use. (Picture the headlines: “Grandmother and toddler trampled by models!”)
Axe warning!
Odd sign I spotted next to a hole in my hometown in Romania. What made it odd was not really the fact that it was warning passers by about a hole in the ground, but more that, while it advertised work, there was no work happening in or around the hole. Also, the sign does not seem to advertise work… More like posing awkwardly with work. Of course, as anyone would, I concluded that this was a warning of an impending supermodel photoshoot with a “work” theme. A warning to make room for Tyra Banks emoting with a shovel. Did not hang out to see if she was coming or not.
Posing awkwardly with work
Known to psychiatrists as the Errol Flynn problem, it’s the fear of facing a group of well armed men sporting various forms of well sharpened cutlery, threatening you with bodily harm. You are a brave man, but you stand no chance armed with a wet noodle!
This is the Errol Flynn problem.
Errol Flynn fail
Tragedy will ensue if you try to make a flammable vapor sausage. Even while trying to raise the roof, you will be engulfed in flames and will suffer. It may not seem like it when you are dancing, but it will. Your sausage making hobby will do you in if you are not careful.
Tragedy theater
Yes, all that type can be heavy. Especially when dealing with spanish and metric. You know, kilos and all… So, obviously, you need a team. What you don’t know is the fact that you will need a team from the 80s to help you out. Full on, mulleted, new romantic haircut sporting, extra cast from 1987′s Mannequin team. Good luck lifting.