You have a miso soup bowl in your hand and your opponent has a cell phone. Now fight!!!! Actually don’t do that here.

Pedestrian Bonk 2

And now, part 2 of the pedestrian bonk. Unlike the pedestrian with thunderbolt hair, this is where a misshapen head can get you in trouble. Beware all of you oddly shaped headed people, this means you are not welcome here.

For all of you uncoordinated people that are into logging sports. This is obviously not how you do it. Learn to do it right and come back.

Beware when starting vertical landscaping projects. Your shoveling may cause landslides. Proceed with care or not at all.

Hang out by the shore long enough and you might just see the mythical sad whale of Oregon.
Act surprised.

I got a new lawnmower the other day. The amount of warnings on this thing was truly impressive. It pretty much amounted to an ancient Egyptian hieroglyphic cartouche display alerting of mysterious dangers and ancient curses. This curse in particular stood out. When mowing your lawn and of course, break dancing, or saying a quick hello to the over the fence neighbor, beware of ankle, hip and elbow attacks.

OMG! Do not open that door! For the love of God and for the glory of our country, do not even think about it. There’s some kind of really mean plant life-form  in there that is guaranteed to attack you if you as much as crack the door. You’ll be forced to retreat at full speed and run into this tiny, no exit room where there is a good chance you’ll be devoured. Don’t do it.

Everyone will probably read this as: do not depress your Tin Tin haired toddler with a showing of the Lion King.  They will not understand it and they will hate you later, when you will ask them about college choices. They will stare back at you blankly and inform you that they actually would prefer cosmetology / massage school! You should have paid more attention to toy warnings earlier.

Good, legitimate concern. You want to touch the skinhead’s head, but you probably shouldn’t do that. As with everything, there are risks involved and you can expect a well deserved ass kicking.

I have to say, when I saw this sign in the Netherlands, I was confused as to what was it it was trying to tell me. I am going with a warning about walking towards some gallows. Anyone else venture a guess?

Limbo performances on the Metro are not advisable. When the doors open, just walk in normally like everyone else and sit down. Stop it with the performances. It’s not becoming, and more importantly, it is prohibited.

There is nowhere to go with this one. Hot = Burn. This is all you need to know about this situation.
What you don’t ned to know is; do you protect your hand with catsup (ketchup?!) or not? And, if you do, do you write “BURN” with catsup (ketchup?!) on your hand, just so you remember what it is going to happen to you in case “HOT” hits your hand?

Beware, girls in 50′s dresses, this is a pick-up joint. I mean, look at the debonaire guy to the left! How could you not say to yourself, as a girl, I should watch it. Besides, where’s his damn right hand? And while we are at it, what is she doing with her left hand?

Quoted from Flickr / Originally uploaded by MatHampson

This sign is meant to discourage foot/flower contact. This is something that, I think at this angle of attack from the foot, can cause a significant groin pull. Exercise caution!

Being in an area that is frequented by zombies I know how hard it can be to get this across. Please, no zombies here. We do discriminate. I know, maybe not the most politically correct thing to be known for, but then again, political correctness was never my forté.